The Declaration of Woke-Dependence

When in the Course of Uncomfortable events, it becomes apparently necessary for people to dissolve the rational bands which have connected them them with one another, and to assume among the powers of the Earth, in the name of mandatory rectitude in each and every manner of human experience, via the station to which the Laws of Ideology and of Ideology’s persistent and permanent purity entitle them, an unabashed and uncontested respect to the opinions of those and only those who agree with it, requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the complete separation from any and all human beings who do not meet this subjective and tyrannical indoctrination of purity and groupthink.

We demand these truths to be evident to anyone looking to further engage in society: that all human beings are created equal, but that historical and ongoing outcomes for given demographics of human beings forbids further manifestation of such equality; That the historically oppressed are endowed exclusively by Guilt-Inflicted, Bored, Approval-Seeking White People with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Forever Being Restrained to Their Demographic, Ideological and Historical Context, Forbidden From the Riches of Individualistic Experience, Triumph and Meritocracy. That to secure these rights, new Social Laws such as Tweets, Public Relations Campaigns and Social Harangings are instituted amongst peoples both on the internet and in person, delivering their just and almighty powers from the consent of the Retweets, the Mobs and the eternal flame of the Echo Chamber. That whenever any Form of Opposition appears in any manner slightly critical of these ends, it is the Right of the Peoples to utterly abolish or cancel it to oblivion, particularly if this Opposition stems from a Representative whose ancestral history consisted, at any point, of anything that may be now classified as moderate life successes, also denoted as “Privilege,” and to institute new Social Laws, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to protect their Ideological Safety, their Almighty and Infallible Personal Feelings, and their firm grasp on the Altar of Flashy Self Righteousness.

Prudence, indeed, will be laughably ignored, dictating that Social Laws long established should unequivocally be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all individual experience hath shown, that if some small percentage of human beings are far more disposed to suffering from the occasional evils of social discomfort and internal self-doubt, while such evils are far more sufferable than, say, real physical harm, than all human beings must be sheltered from such evils, and must do so by abolishing the social forms to which everyone else is accustomed.

When calculating a manner to properly avenge a long train of historical abuses and usurpations is misappropriately cast in pursuing invariably the same object of their very creation, an Illiberal Society, it evinces its impenetrable design from a hysterical and misconceived weaponization of Morality and the Clamoring to be on “The Right Side of History,” it is the People’s Right, it is their Duty, to proudly reduce all non-conforming individuals, opinions and social settings to the realm of Permanent Wrongness. In this quest, they must provide permanent Branding, Labeling and Listing of all those who conspired in their irredeemable Wrongress to provide new Guards for the future security of humanity. Such has been the impatient sufferance of these Peoples; and such is now the necessity of both Calculating and Monetizing Individual Morality which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Communication and Socialization. The entire ancestral history of the members of the aforementioned “Privileged” Class is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute theoretical Tyranny over all of humanity, irrespective of the existence, or lack thereof, of actual tyranny. To prove this, let Subjective Experiences, Mass Groupthink, Ideological Fallacies, Ridiculous Ramifications, Hysterical Hyperbole and the Art of Finding and Manipulating Injustice At Scale be submitted to a decreasingly candid world:

The Privileged have refused to Assent to proposed Social Laws outlawing their own Genetic Dispositions to Wrongness and Impurity, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good;

The Privileged have refused to pass other Social Laws for the complete accommodation of the personal needs and desires of the smallest demographic districts of people, unless those people themselves are Privileged, a right inestimable to them and beneficial to tyrants only;

The Privileged have, some 240+ years ago, after igniting a Revolution to install such measures, called together legislative, executive, and judicial institutions for the sole undenyable intent of keeping the non-privileged unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of humanity, and for the sole purposes of fatiguing them into compliance with their measures, with absolutely no other underlying causes, beliefs or ambitions other than to permanently preserve this manner of Privilege;

The Privileged have since operated all manners of society, both at individual levels and at grand scale, and have repeatedly fought and died in battle to protect the ability to impose with manly firmness their invasions on the rights of the people;

The Privileged have endeavoured to prevent the population of societal creatures such as The Corporation, The Media and The Government from uniformly equal representation across each and every conceivable demographic subset of people; and for that purpose have created and enacted laws and constructs of Civil Rights, Equal Protection, Strict Scrutiny, Meritocracy and Equality of Opportunity; and have refused to pass others to encourage misguided assumptions of the migration of progress hither, and raising the conditions and quality of life in the name of new Appropriation of Culture;

The Privileged have obstructed the Administration of Justice by assenting to the application of certain social “facts” about non-Privileged groups of people that stain them of their otherwise absolute purity;

The Privileged have made Wages dependent on their Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount of payment of their salaries, excluding the amount of payment for the salaries of non-privileged people who, against all conceivable forces known to humanity, excel in certain high earning fields such as professional sports, management and computing;

The Privileged have erected a multitude of Statues, sent hither to harass our people and eat out their living existence by virtue of the remembrance of the Statue’s existence;

The Privileged have affected to render the Military independent of, and superior to, the Civil power of the irrationalities of the citizenry, indifferent to whatever political or ideological battles rule the present day for the purpose of harmful disruption, not prolonged tranquility;

The Privileged have combined with others, such as our Teachers, our Co-Workers and our Parents to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution and unacknowledged by our incessant complaining and dramatization of trivial, non-harmful occurrences as life endangering security threats;

The Privileged have quartered large corporations among us for us to infiltrate with our increasingly Draconian and confusing Sensitivity Training Sessions;

The Privileged have encouraged trade with all parts of the world, lifting entire regions and peoples out of the clutches of permanent poverty;

The Privileged have created the free system of Speech laws in our entire Province, establishing therein a Neutral Government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same Democratic rule to more than half of the world’s countries.

The Privileged have formally welcomed voluntary transportation by non-privileged peoples beyond Seas en mass, only many years later for these people to pretend that they are not guilty of Privileged Offences as they in fact became Privileged by manner of hard work, reproducing, internet whims, and time.

The Privileged have deprived us, in many cases, of the benefits of ruling over the freedom of expression of other human beings for the sake of their compliance with our mandatory quotas;

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the least humble terms: Our repeated Demands, Petitions and GoFundMe’s have been answered only by repeated admittance of guilt by nearly all of the accused, with great assistance from increasingly large percentages of elected officials, academics and Hollywood actors. Alas, an Actor portraying a character who is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be a member of a society of truly free people, because only Tyrants can portray Tyrants.

Nor have We been wanting in the placing of Attention to ourselves. We have warned everyone of our own attempts by proposed legislation to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over everyone else. We have reminded them of our recognition of our greater Moral Compass with viral videos, OP-Ed articles in major publications, corporate training sessions and internet doxxing. We have even appealed to their savage senses of legal justice and their both sides-ism cries for magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the holding hostage the ties of humanity’s obvious common kindred towards progress and towards disavowing actual usurpations, which, by design inevitably interrupted our social connections, correspondence, and depth of common sense. The Privileged too have been deaf to the voice of pathological and ideological social justice. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of humanity who refuses to comply, Enemies in War, Enemies in Peace.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the Woke Peoples of America, in BIPOC-DISABLEDNONBINARY-LGBTQ+ Congress, Assembled here by Sensitive and Egotistical White People, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World for the rectitude of our nefarious intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of this Ideology, solemnly publish and declare, that these United Woke Peoples are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Crown of the Law and to Common Sense, and that they have full Power to levy War, restrict Peace, mandate Alliances, banish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Peoples may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of our certainly divine and pious roots, we uniformly pledge to destroy the following aspects of our dissenters: their Lives, their Fortunes and their Sacred Honor.